Maw

"Di ka pa kumakain? Kain ka na."

"Uuwi ka na? Ayaw mo sumabay sa kapatid mo?"

"Ba't di mo inubos yan?"

I hate it when my mother exactly knows how I'm feeling at any moment of my existence. As I stepped out of our shop awhile ago, I can hear my main woman (Well, not exactly. But I'm pretty sure that Mom will try to open up something tho) say "Siguro may problema nanaman." That's the both cruel and wonderful thing about mothers. It's that they have that incomparable instinct of knowing when their children is going in to something tough. Since my mom is not an exception to that instinct, I hate her for having to know me that well.

Long face, smeared stares, silence, and an uncomfortable posture are qualities you'll able to spot at me whenever I'm not on my cloudest nines. It may be easy for some to cross out these things but undeniably my mother will outrace you at saying when exactly I'm not okay. That is how she works, if there's anything faster than light, I'll be betting for my mother.

But do you know what is far more vicious  than her actually memorizing every single cell and nerve throughout my body? It is that feeling of wanting to tell her exactly everything and wanting to hear her respond and try to sort out my problems-more specifically to sort my life now. But something invisible is actually keeping my mouth shut, leaving us in a state of suspended agony of not being open. But that will forever be okay. Because that's how my Mom and I operates. I'm guessing that my Mom is probably trying to send me something through brain waves and genial gestures. And the message is that: 

"Anak, wag kang matakot sabihin sakin ang kahit ano. Maiintindihan kita, kumpara man kanino. Nandito naman kasi ako, bakit ka ba nahihiya? Kahit tama ka o mali ka man, di kita kayang makitang ganyan. Dinadala ko rin yan. Diba best friend mo pa nga ako?"

And whenever my Mother and I exchange glances of unbalanced thoughts, I would always try to hypothetically shout and try to echo every single word. Then it shall be followed with the nostalgia of Mother's sweet embrace I dreamt for about eighteen years.

Note: She never hugged me, because she always exclaimed that I am strong enough.

And with that out of my mind, I'm now completely fine for at least 48 hours. Thanks Mom and I love you.